Seasons are a changing!

Currently I am on a weekly report in for blood work to watch my counts. Monday was no different than the last 4 Mondays except that finally my platelet counts approached the normal range of 150. This is a far cry from the 12 about 6 weeks ago and earned me a platelet transfusion and by far my biggest melt down of the journey so far. I am still struggling with a low white count of 2.8 which is up from 2.7 the previous week.

That darn white count! Monday,as I was talking to the nurse about my blood count report I thought I would ask the question of "What do you think about me going to a fantastic Easter service at an arena in downtown Charlotte with about 10,000 people?" She paused as if to say "You have got to be kidding me." In a very quite voice she said is it in doors or outside. "Inside" I replied. "Luann you are at risk that would not be a good idea." That was the answer I thought I was going to get but I thought I would ask. Very deflated, I accepted this statement.

My immune system has been a real challenge and is quite a nuisance if I don't say so. Seems like there are many things you can't do...stay away from the malls, better be careful when you go out to eat...hand sanitizer becomes your new best friend. My immune system has kept me from seeing my my three granddaughters since Christmas. My son and his family live at the opposite end of the US in Seattle Washington so the best we have to see each other is via skype which is pretty neat but still not the same as in person.

Reflecting back over the last 6 months the winter season was cold, dark, snowy and at times very lonely for me. Chemo hit me hard the last round which almost knocked me out of the game. At the same time I have had no other choice but to be still as my body was not cooperating with what my mind wanted to do. God really began to work on my inside and in my heart. As I spent time with Him he began to really show me all of the things that were still mine for the doing. There was purpose for me going through this cancer journey.

Blogging was something I didn't think I could do and yet I tried and it excites me and brings me joy to be able to connect with so many people I would not have connected with otherwise. I wasn't sure how to design the blog and did lots of trial and error to get a finished product which is still work in progress. Before cancer I would have been afraid to try. Not any more!

Growing a garden was also something I didn't think I could do because I knew nothing about gardening. So I talked to everyone who knew anything about gardening and gave it a try. Can you believe we actually ate tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, habanerros, watermelon (well we looked at a watermelon want to be)but hey it was fun to try.

So I say all of this to say that spring is finally here. The old is past and the new has come. It is a new season for me. I still have the reminders of cancer that pop up every now and then. This next week is a muga scan, and then we will be pursuing radiation etc.... Even with all of that in front of me I know I am going to make it. Why do I know this? Because I have a God that is walking with me every day and He will carry me through when the going gets tough.

This is a picture of 72 different seeds that have been planted and will grow into plants soon. All it takes is good soil, water, sunshine and some TLC! Spring is indeed here!



Running the race today. Luann

The attack of cranky people ?

As I progress on this journey through cancer I am amazed at how differently I look at things. This past week was an unusually intense week for alot of reasons. My blood work came back showing a low white blood count, platelet count that was trending upwards, however not fast enough in my mind. In addition I also had the opportunity to interface with many folks who were unusually cranky for various reasons.

Can you imagine that?? Now I know none of you have ever experienced people being cranky, but it is true people can be cranky and at times even say things that under normal circumstances they would not. I am even going to suggest that in the lack of information we can all at some time or another make stuff up in our heads as we skillfully reason we have mastered the art of separating fact from fiction. We can even turn a potentially innocent act into a full blown incident in our minds. Shock, I had this happen to me!

The conversation that I willingly fell into the "Making stuff up trap in my mind" began with an individual who over the past few years I admit has made me crazy at times however is also an individual I have grown to respect. He has given me some very profound insight to business, people which has made a positive impact on how I look at things.

Come with me into "the" conversation. At first, I thought he was kidding but his voice but quickly grew into being more intense by the minute. As the conversation continued I listened and processed what he was saying only to shockingly believing I was being criticized on how I handled a situation that I did not see as a big deal. I tried to explain the whys and hows to what occurred but it didn't matter. We ended the conversation with me saying "OK FINE I will fix it!"

Now my first reaction and let's admit it we all do have reactions when we perceive we are being criticized or attacked for something we in good faith do and there are rare circumstances where we react in a manner that we don't like. I am here to tell you in spite of my most of the time positive attitude, I am no exception.

What happened next in my brain was not good. "What is up with that?" I thought. He just doesn't get it! I continued to mull this over in my head. The more I thought about it the more irritated I got. This was one time I was going to choose to keep nursing the conversation in my head. Certainly it was not the time to willing to disperse it from my thoughts which continued to consume me through out the evening. After all, I wanted to wallow in it just a little while longer.

Well, the next day I was still holding onto that conversation but was beginning to reason with myself "Luann you got to let it go, he was probably in a stressed out mode, and you have got to disburse it and let it go. Does it really matter anyway?" I was somewhat successful at this until the next morning when I was having my quiet time with God. At times I think He must have a sense of humor. After all I couldn't believe how I reacted to this so I can only imagine what He was thinking and I stopped in my tracks as if to hear God say "Luann hold up, I can show you something that is going to help make things a little easier."

You see, over the past few weeks I began studying the book of Ecclesiastes written by Solomon who is known for being a very wise man so check this AHA moment for me out as I read:

"It is better to be criticized by a wise person than to be praised by a fool." and as my reading continued this really hit me "Don't be too right and don't be too wise. Why destroy yourself?" OUCH! OK God I get it as I smiled and thought God you are amazing. Thanks for showing me that! Now I ask you how cool is that we have a God who about you and me in that way?

Running the race today with just a little more wisdom than I had yesterday. Have a wonderful day. Luann

A visit with the Dutches

I left the doctors office after my last chemo appointment with one goal in mind. It was time to celebrate this historic moment in my recent life with a new wig! Yes you read that right with a new wig. It was time for a "new look!" It was time for a change!

Oh but was I ready for the change that was about to take place via the little lady who is the Dutches and owner of The Secrets of a Dutches. http://www.secretsofaduchess.com The spring in my step was evident as I was on a mission for the new and improved version of me. Maybe I would go a little darker with a spunky style? Hum, I am just not sure!

The Dutches greeted me with her usual bigger than life greeting. "Hello Darling" "Hello" I replied. With high energy I continued. "I am celebrating the end of chemo and I need a new wig - you know a new look!" As we began trying on the latest and greatest styles we talked. You see my work requires me to wear a hair net to go on the shop floor since we make medical packaging. The more the Dutches and I talked about this requirement I began to see my idea of a long wig was definitely out because it wouldn't fit in the hair net. I really needed something that would fit under the hair net.

The Dutches said in her lovely English accent "Wait a minute darling I've got something new and it is reasonably priced." She returned with a pink head scarf. "Well, that isn't what I was exactly thinking I thought" "Oh darling lets just try." I thought to myself..this is letting too much show. People will know I don't have hair. She could see my puzzled look when I said "Well I am not sure" and went on to ask me point blank "Do you have any pictures of you bald?" "One picture I replied" Then she really got in my business:) "Well really you should have your children and grandchildren see the picture so that they will remember all that you have been through."

What?? I thought she doesn't know Kennedy my 4 year old granddaughter who became very upset when she sees her Mimi without hair. Well, I did not get my wig that day but got much more. I really started pondering for the rest of the week what the Dutches had said.

What exactly did that wig mean to me anyway? Safety, security, I wouldn't make people uncomfortable with who I was? Heck I didn't know!

Saturday came and our leadership team was to have a strategic planning meeting. As the HR Manager much of my job is to do that "People thing" that many people don't like. One of the problems that many organizations have is people being transparent. Ours was no exception. I had been bugged all week by what the Dutches said about being bald. I wondered if the Dutches was right. I preach being transparent, but was I?

So on Saturday I took a huge leap of faith and thought "Luann as a leader in this facility transparency begins with you." By golly, I really am going to wear the pink scarf my daughter gave me for Christmas to that meeting. For one second I was not sure that I could do this but too late my wig was at home! Bravely marched in to the meeting with my sweater, jeans, tennis shoes and Du rag on.

"Good morning! Gulp... It is Saturday and I don't wear wigs on Saturday. I quickly continued, one of the things we need to do for our employees on the floor is be more transparent. So I am letting transparency begin with me. What you see is what you get."

I left that meeting so liberated that I went back to the Dutches and purchased that Pink Scarf she suggested. Then I asked the gal who helped me get the scarf if she would take a picture of me bald. So here I am today.


You must listen to this song called "Turn Up The Music, Turn it up Loud" by Point of Grace. (Cut and Paste the link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7HFk6flUOQ

Lerning something new every day as I keep Running the Race. May you be brave try a little transparency this week Luann

Doc says no more chemo!

This past Thursday I had a visit with my Oncologist. Gary my husband accompanied me on this all important appointment as this was going to be my last chemo appointment according to my brain. Why might I think that? As you recall, the month of February my chemo was postponed due to not being able to find a vain - 9 times, Chemo was done in my lumpectomy arm,dangerously low platelet counts - 12 (Normal is 150-300) and a platelet transfusion. I felt as if my body was saying no more please...

We approach the front desk and the gal says "Hi Luann" I joke back "Guess when you know my name that means I am a regular..and this is not exactly the place you want to be known as a regular hey?" She smiles back and hands me the routine paper work. I am all prayed up so I know this visit is going to go well.

We sat down and immediately an older man begins to tell us about his Colon cancer that occurred a year after his wife died. He continued to say in a matter of fact voice. "Yes I really didn't know why I was going through the chemo without her and I really thought about committing suicide. Have you ever thought of committing suicide?" the man asked "No with eyes wide open I replied." He said well I thought about all the ways suicide is committed and then realized there are too many things that could go wrong and it would be my luck I would end up like a vegetable so I decided against it." I said well I believe everyone has a purpose in life and that also means you.

"Luann Chevalier come on back." We proceed to the "Purple Room which was all too familiar to me. Mary the lab tech also knows me by name and takes the routine blood and tells me to sit back down. We are finally invited back to the Doctors office only to wait about an hour.

Gary and I got tired of killing time waiting for the doc so I jokingly said "Hey lets get a picture of my last Chemo in the doctors office. Gary took me up on it and snapped this picture. Can you believe this was the same room I began my journey over 5 mos ago? Now how ironic is that?



Knock, Knock, Knock "Come in" I replied as I thought well now who could that be, DA!" In comes the doc. He looks at the platelet report which revealed and my platelet count was 42. He and I do a double take. "That can't be, last week it was 41" I piped in. He precedes to tell me that I had a blood transfusion, no I corrected him it was a platelet transfusion. (Now my confidence in him is souring through the sky) He opens the door and quickly asks for a retest of the blood work which shows no change. Finally he says "I think you are a little "sensitive" to the carboplatnam." I thought A little sensitive? How about a lot sensitive! He continues "It has been over a month since your last chemo and we still can't treat you.

How about if we "skip" Chemo 6. I calmly replied "Well you won't hear any argument from me" and inside I was doing the happy dance.

However, there's that word "However" we need to continue on the Herceptin and talk about starting Radiation and then there will be drugs after that. Yes I hear you. As I am a research nut, I had a question about this Herceptin. "Doc can't that cause heart damage?" Well...he replied. I continued "You know Doc I have been on this for oh about 5 mos and I believe we don't have a baseline of my heart and I think we are suppose to have it." "That is not possible we always get this done before we begin any treatment" as he intensely scans the computer to prove this was done as I silently roll my eyes looking at Gary I shake my head "No I don't think so Doc. Maybe I am wrong but" defeated he says "So it looks like we didn't get a baseline, so we will have to get this done." I calmly reply "Doc, no more herceptin until I have this baseline." He agrees.

A quick exam and we are happily ready to leave but not before we had several more appointments set up...Oh the life of a Cancer Patient!

So the lesson in the story? God knows just how much we can take and promises we will not be given more than we can handle. This was just the provision I gratefully needed to keep running the race! Luann

To Be continued....A visit to the "Dutches".

Red light, Green Light

Do you remember the game Red Light Green Light? To go or not to go? I often go to God and ask Do I or Don't I do something. Well Monday was a Red Light, Green Light day.

It was early morning and I had just arrived at work. I usually don't answer my cell phone but for some reason I did. "Hello this is Julie from the church" in a very up beat voice and asked if Gary and I were going to attend a function that was going on at church. I told her "No, my husband who lives in Charlotte and me up here in Asheville...it is a long story, however he would not be coming up this weekend so we couldn't come to the event." We continued to talk. She said maybe we had met? I told her I wasn't sure as I had been attending on or off since I was "sorta going through chemotherapy" and then said "No I haven't sorta been going through it, I have been going through it."

Julie shouted in an exciting voice "Luann...I have been praying for you for about a month." Then she began to tell me about her friend Ginger who was just diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and was having a very serious 10 hour surgery on Thursday.

For the past month I have been trying to figure out how I can give back to this world as so many people had been so kind to me on this unplanned journey of cancer so I asked Julie if I could have her number and I would call her because I did understand what it was like to have cancer.

Well, I hemmed and hawed the next day asking myself "What would Ginger think if I called her? She might think I was trying to butt into her business and not appreciate that fact that I was calling her trying to talk myself out of it."

However I stopped and consulted with the boss - God and tried to get Him to give me the red light to not call. However I didn't get the "red light" but got a definite "green light" to call Ginger. Then I thought "after all who doesn't want us to encourage each other?" No names mentioned here however I bet you can read through the lines :)

Anyway I called Ginger and what a blessing she was to me! We immediately clicked as we were now in the not too popular sisterhood of cancer together. What a spirit Ginger has and the energy which was contagious. She said "I am putting my kicking boots on against that devil!" Ginger is passing out 20 CDs of Holly Wagner's "Healed" on the floor of the hospital. The CD talks about how God worked in Holly's life through her breast cancer journey 5 years ago. This was a powerful CD for me to listen to as I began the walk. "Holly Wagner is coming to our church in September." Ginger said "No Way" I replied "Yes Way..I saw it on the church website. Awesome! "Ginger how about us sitting at the same table together." So we have a date Sept. 28 for the Women's Conference. (Anyone else want to join us?)

Ginger has prayed over all of the CD's and is believing that God is going to use them to bring about his purpose in the lives of those she touches with this CD. Wow I thought, now she has got things going!

We continued to talk and laugh like we had known each other for a long time. So..
The next time you face a Red Light, Green Light situation ask and listen to God. You might have a blessing waiting for you around that corner.

P.S. Please keep Ginger and her husband in your prayers.

Running the Race Luann

A breast cancer survivor's story

How do you know a transformation has taken place in your life? Curious I looked up the definition because I wanted to be sure this was the word that actually described what was going on inside of me. According to Webster's defination to be transformed is to change things usually in a good way. Then yes like a cocoon being transformed into a butterfly here is my story.

A long time ago I use to express myself in poetry. Inspired once again by the link Journey Beyond Cancer site my new friend who lives in Ireland highlights poetry once a week, so I thought I would give this a try.

Family summer vacation in 2009 was indeed my time as I felt the lump that was on my mind
Suspicious of what it could be the doctor confirmed the breast cancer in me
Tears wallowed up in the depth of my soul triggered flash backs of horror that took control
A long time ago Mother's surgeon butchered her breasts, purple radiation burns took her best
Would that be my fate, no not I said me my God will supply all my needs
Unaware of how my faith would grow as I embarked on this new day being scared and uncontrolled
But wait I thought of the God that I knew would He be able to handle something as big as this my faith was now being put to the test
Facing this whole nightmare head on I claimed God as my rock, my defender and friend who would indeed see me from begining to end
Summer quickly became fall which became winter and now spring each season brought new and challenging things
The potter began molding me into the new creation I would be
Through this new season in life that was now upon me
The journey began with surgery and tests too numerous to count
Doctors visits and chemo therapy that made my hair fall out
As I looked in the mirror what did I see
Why I see a new me that was changing from the inside out
Afterall who I am is not what my body appears to be
But strength to endure to fight to live comes from within my soul as I see a renewed smile in me
Random acts of kindness others did for me helped carry the load as they partnered in prayer and supported me
One step at a time my shallow heart became soft seeing the needs of others in a brand new way
Because of my rock, my defender and friend I know this new journey is the beginning not the end
This road is not over that is for sure with Jesus by my side I know I will endure
No I am not the same person I use to be so thankful and grateful for the new change in me

Shout it..."I have faith in God!"

Saying "I have faith in God" is pretty easy to say when things are going well. A little harder to say when things are not going the way you planned. This is a continuation of my post from yesterday talking about my depression. (My source of this post comes from Creflow Dollar Ministries)

What we think goes into our heart and comes out in our mouth/actions. This statement was revolutionary for me and continues to transform my thinking!

According to Creflow there are three definitions of Depression. He says:

1. What happens externally gets inside your heart and weighs you down. Stop and think about that statement. How true is that!

2. Depression is stress and pressure internalized in your heart and weighs you down. I thought "Right on Creflow" simply put.

3. Depression comes from thinking thoughts that weigh you down. This really put it in a nutshell for me!

So, we have to think differently in order to change. Look at who you are hanging with, what you put in your mind with TV, music, Internet etc.

Wait, Stop!!! Oh the Internet.... Since I am on my journey of recovery from Breast Cancer, I could not get enough information! I can sit and "research" to death any possible "symptom I may have or THINK I have, and by the end of one hour I am doomed because I look at all of the remote possibilities and can convince myself I have that symptom which will lead to "I will not overcome this." Does this ever happen to you?

I believe enemy does use our minds first to get us to be graduates of MSU. (Making stuff up university) By that I mean an event happens to us. We process and filter it based on our past experiences which may or may not be accurate and turn the event in our minds into something that may or may not be true. Then the thoughts go into our heart. However, in John 14:1 Jesus says:

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust in me." When you read this verse it indicates that we have a choice and control over watching over our hearts. I do believe Right thinking=Right Confession.

So going back to John 14 V 1 believe in God. Ask yourself are you going to believe God that you will be all right or not? Well if my thoughts are aligned with His word than yes I believe God. When I think this, the weight of my heart immediately becomes lighter and depression looses it's grip. The long term solution then is when things become crazy in your mind and our thoughts get muffled

Shout it out "I have faith in God" Repeat, "I have faith in God!"

If you get into the trap of "Poor Me" Micah chapter 7 addresses this issue spot on. Will we fall again in our life time? Probably so since we are all humans and humans will fall.

Micah 7:8 says "Enemy, don't laugh at me. I have fallen, but I will get up."
Ha! AND WHEN I GET UP I WILL BE BETTER THAN WHEN I FALL. Look out as I burst with strength! Why????

BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH IN GOD! SAY IT..REMIND YOURSELF...I HAVE FAITH IN GOD!

Moving on Proverbs 4V20-24 says "My child, pay attention to my words; listen closely to what I say. Don't ever forget my words' keep them always in my mind. They are the key to LIFE for those who find them, they bring health to the whole body. Be careful what you think because your thoughts run your life. Don't use your mouth to tell lies; don't ever say things that are not true"

Wow this really hit me. If I keep the truth of God in my mind it will bring health to the whole body. My thoughts do run my life! If I make up stuff in my mind due to circumstances that I interpret wrong and speak them then I am using my mouth to speak lies.

So the solution - stop thinking thoughts that are not true, which will guard my heart in turn will make my heart lighter. What a revolutionary concept I must say.

Say it..I HAVE FAITH IN GOD!

Now this is easier to write than consistently do. It has to be a retraining of my thought process - I dare say this is going to be a life long process. When we fall we will pick ourselves up stronger than before! Why..

Say it..I HAVE FAITH IN GOD! There are three simple steps:

Step 1 - I will remind myself that I am always in control of my heart. I will decide now I will not allow my heart to be troubled.

Say it and say it again. I will not allow my heart to be troubled.

Mark 11V23 - Jesus said "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth you can say to this mountain, 'Go, fall into the sea' and if you have no doubts in your MIND and believe that what you say will happen, God will do it for you."

Step 2 - Speak to the problem not about your problem. When you find yourself rehearsing in your mind for days an issue you are talking about your problem not to your problem. I must admit more times than I care to tell you that I am guilty of this one. God's word tells us to speak to that mountain!

Creflo says "If we work hard at nursing - we can't disburse." We have to talk to that mountain otherwise the enemy will use the nursing to weigh our hearts down and we not protect our heart.

Step 3 - If there is something missing from my life - Ask God for it.

This song by Kutless entitled "Faith that moves the mountain" sums it up.


Don't give up on what ever you are going through. God is right there for you, just reach out. We need each other and remember together we will keep Running the Race of life..Luann

I admit it I am Depressed and moving on!

My Platelet count on Monday dropped from 31 to 12. (Normal Range is 150 to 300) I was told that I must have a Platelet Transfusion on Tuesday or I could have a stroke, internal hemorrhaging which included my brain. After a complete melt down I agreed to have the transfusion. What other choice did I have?

Following this news and the completion of the transfusion the next day my mind was full of condemnation. Totally depleted of mental and physical strength I began to really beat myself up with negative talk.. "Luann you just have chemo brain..your whole body is destroyed..you will never be able to function the way you use to...etc and etc. After this went on for an entire afternoon, I stopped and said "Wait a minute who is your God and what did he say to you before you started Chemo? Those thoughts are NOT TRUE!"

You see at the onset of my Chemo which was 6 mos ago I recalled the promise God had for me. Psalms 121: V 3 to 8. "I will not let you be defeated. He who guards you never sleeps." I also remembered that God promised me that HE would protect my body and destroy only the cells that needed to be destroyed and protect what needed to be protected. I thought "God does not re-nig on His Word! He does not change! He is for me not against me!" No I am going to reject these thoughts that comes from the enemy. Then almost immediately a cloud was lifted my mind, my heart was lighter. I was at the begining of being transformed.

Early the next day I turned on "Changing your World Creflo Dollar Ministries" and was amazed at what God was going to do next. The preacher was talking about Depression. (I want to preface this with the fact that depression is real and if you need medical help reach out and do it.) I also believe it is a God thing so I want to talk from that perspective.

The Preacher went on to say some triggers we might look at contributing to depression are:

1. Unmet expectations - We believe people are suppose to do certain things and it doesn't happen. When it doesn't happen you get mad. Yes I had this! The solution = Expect nothing and when something happens be appreciative.

2. You get angry when the expectations don't happen. "I don't care and you make everyone else miserable. Yes...I was doing this.

3. Isolation - no friends - Yes I was feeling that. God did not make man to be alone. Pets cannot talk to us...we all need the human touch.

I admitted to myself that yes I was depressed. But could I stop my heavy and mad heart from hurting? Then I thought about the previous day on how God was leading me out of this by number one recognizing what was going on inside me. Over the next few days I continued to tune into this series on depression which gave me some very practical biblical ways to change what was happening to me. Think about this, what we think in our minds go into our heart and come out of our mouth. Can we change this mad process that leads to depression into victory? Yes I believe we can and will continue with this on my next blog "I have faith in God."


Be blessed today. Running the Race. Luann