In a few hours I will go for my first mammogram for "diagnostic purposes" that my radiologist ordered since I had my surgery to remove the lump from my breast. The surgery which seems like so long ago but actually not!
Flash backs of "You have breast cancer and we need to do a biopsy" still faintly replay in my mind as I get ready for this appointment. So today I can make a choice to give into the fears of the past or stand in the future of hope, wellness and life. I do believe in miracles as I reflect on all that has happened over the past year so am choosing not to entertain the fear but to stand in my faith in the one who made me, who knows me and will be with me today!
This song asks "Who knows what miracles you can achieve if you believe?" What miracles are inside you waiting to pop out?
Running the Race with hope! Luann
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
No IV, No Herceptin
I had dinner on Friday night with a co-worker and as we discussed the days events the discussion was mainly about me. Come with me as I recounted the day to her.
10:30 AM I showed up for a continuation of Herceptin which was also given to me while I had chemo. After three tries the experienced nurses could not get the IV to thread in the rolling veins that I have. Here we go again.
11:00 AM The nurses called the doc. I asked the nurse to also ask about the drug Tykerb which according to my research may be better than Herceptin which is in pill form. 10 minutes later she returned. My doctor said no to the drug because it is a tier three drug and we have not exhaused the use of Herceptin.
I replied "We can't get it in my veins." "Well you do have an alternative of getting the port." Becoming more frustrated by the moment I piped in "I am not getting a port. Stop trying to get me to do that. It is an elective procedure and I am not getting it." The nurse continued "Well we will have you come back on Tuesday so we can try getting the IV in again and then you will meet with your doctor on Wednesday. The only time he can squeeze you in is 1:30 PM." Squeeze me in I thought? "You know what is he going to tell me that you have not told me he said? The way I see it is you just want another co-pay from me and for what? I can talk with him on the phone just as well. And what is going to change with my veins between Friday and Tuesday? Come on! And why can't I have the pill? This makes no sense!" The nurse replied "It is the insurance company who won't let you have it."
12:00 PM I headed back to work and stopped at Secrets of a Dutches for a new scarf. After all I can't get a new do and was not in the mood for a new wig so this was the next best thing. I kept replaying the last few hours in my head. What do you mean I can't have the pill? This is ridiculous!
1:00 PM I arrive at work full of fuel. One of my very good friends and co-worker just happened to stop by. We processed the morning and she said matter of fact, "Well I think you are at a cross road. What are your options? Looks like the veins are not cooperating, you know about this drug, find out why you can't have it or you could get a port."
So I picked my self up and called the insurance company and found out I could have the drug if my doctor prescribed it. I immediately called my doctor's office and talked with the nurse. She told me that I could not have this drug because it was not FDA approved for me as my cancer doesn't fit the criteria. I am not stage 4, my cancer was contained. This I could not believe. "So let me get this straight. Right now there is no trace of cancer in me. I am doing all of this chemo, radiation, herceptin as precautionary measures. We cannot get the needed in so I am not able to finish the Herceptin. And now you tell me my cancer is not bad enough to have the pill as a precautionary measure?" "Yes, the FDA prohibits us from writing the prescription for you."
"What's a girl to do?" I asked my dinner friend. We talked though God in this whole picture. What does God want me to do? "Put a fleece out to Him." She replied. I told her I didn't think we should put fleeces out to God. She said "Well Gideon did three times."
I spent Saturday in prayer and reflection. 4 chemos went fine. IV in the vein on the first try. Chemo 5 was a disaster. (Remember that was the one where there was 9 tries in one arm unsuccessful) Finally,they gave me the chemo in my lumpectomy arm which was an absolute no no from my surgeon. A week later I found myself getting a platelet transfusion. I knew I was not suppose to take that chemo but did anyway. Now I am not suggesting that the IV in the other arm caused this but the 9 tries a few days later confirmed this piece of my treatment was done. Then in the Platelet transfusion they got the needle in the first try which I believe was a provision from God. I guess in a way this was my fleece.
Where am I today? No matter what God loves me. He has been faithful and will continue to be faithful. I try to talk to the Doc about what God is doing and he makes fun of it. I am not trying to be difficult nor disrespectful. Tuesday I have an appointment with the Radiologist so I am just waiting to see what happens there.
Running the Race waiting for God :) Luann
10:30 AM I showed up for a continuation of Herceptin which was also given to me while I had chemo. After three tries the experienced nurses could not get the IV to thread in the rolling veins that I have. Here we go again.
11:00 AM The nurses called the doc. I asked the nurse to also ask about the drug Tykerb which according to my research may be better than Herceptin which is in pill form. 10 minutes later she returned. My doctor said no to the drug because it is a tier three drug and we have not exhaused the use of Herceptin.
I replied "We can't get it in my veins." "Well you do have an alternative of getting the port." Becoming more frustrated by the moment I piped in "I am not getting a port. Stop trying to get me to do that. It is an elective procedure and I am not getting it." The nurse continued "Well we will have you come back on Tuesday so we can try getting the IV in again and then you will meet with your doctor on Wednesday. The only time he can squeeze you in is 1:30 PM." Squeeze me in I thought? "You know what is he going to tell me that you have not told me he said? The way I see it is you just want another co-pay from me and for what? I can talk with him on the phone just as well. And what is going to change with my veins between Friday and Tuesday? Come on! And why can't I have the pill? This makes no sense!" The nurse replied "It is the insurance company who won't let you have it."
12:00 PM I headed back to work and stopped at Secrets of a Dutches for a new scarf. After all I can't get a new do and was not in the mood for a new wig so this was the next best thing. I kept replaying the last few hours in my head. What do you mean I can't have the pill? This is ridiculous!
1:00 PM I arrive at work full of fuel. One of my very good friends and co-worker just happened to stop by. We processed the morning and she said matter of fact, "Well I think you are at a cross road. What are your options? Looks like the veins are not cooperating, you know about this drug, find out why you can't have it or you could get a port."
So I picked my self up and called the insurance company and found out I could have the drug if my doctor prescribed it. I immediately called my doctor's office and talked with the nurse. She told me that I could not have this drug because it was not FDA approved for me as my cancer doesn't fit the criteria. I am not stage 4, my cancer was contained. This I could not believe. "So let me get this straight. Right now there is no trace of cancer in me. I am doing all of this chemo, radiation, herceptin as precautionary measures. We cannot get the needed in so I am not able to finish the Herceptin. And now you tell me my cancer is not bad enough to have the pill as a precautionary measure?" "Yes, the FDA prohibits us from writing the prescription for you."
"What's a girl to do?" I asked my dinner friend. We talked though God in this whole picture. What does God want me to do? "Put a fleece out to Him." She replied. I told her I didn't think we should put fleeces out to God. She said "Well Gideon did three times."
I spent Saturday in prayer and reflection. 4 chemos went fine. IV in the vein on the first try. Chemo 5 was a disaster. (Remember that was the one where there was 9 tries in one arm unsuccessful) Finally,they gave me the chemo in my lumpectomy arm which was an absolute no no from my surgeon. A week later I found myself getting a platelet transfusion. I knew I was not suppose to take that chemo but did anyway. Now I am not suggesting that the IV in the other arm caused this but the 9 tries a few days later confirmed this piece of my treatment was done. Then in the Platelet transfusion they got the needle in the first try which I believe was a provision from God. I guess in a way this was my fleece.
Where am I today? No matter what God loves me. He has been faithful and will continue to be faithful. I try to talk to the Doc about what God is doing and he makes fun of it. I am not trying to be difficult nor disrespectful. Tuesday I have an appointment with the Radiologist so I am just waiting to see what happens there.
Running the Race waiting for God :) Luann
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Let my words be few
Hummm! When I first began the cancer walk journey I felt like there was something coming from the inside that screamed write! Not writing for a profession but as a way to communicate and bring joy to others who might be facing a "challenge in life." Afterall who doesn't have challenges that can be over whelming?
Visiting blogs over the last few months has been beneficial as I meet people via their writing and get to learn about them through their writing. I am beginning to realize writing really is an art as the written word begins to paint a picture on canvas.
In addition I am still learning how to insert hyperlinks which I have not mastered. Can anyone help? Kim has really got me thinking about how I can improve on my writing. http://kim-living4today.blogspot.com/ has a link to a life long writer http://cecmurpheyswritertowriter.blogspot.com/ Today he talks about the number of words we use.
As I contemplate this concept from someone who likes to talk I think about how the promises in the bible where the words are few but powerful.
Proverbs 4:20 - My child pay attention to my words; listen closely to what I say; don't ever forget my words.
John 14:1 - Do not let your heart be troubled
Psalm 30:4- Lord my God I prayed and you healed me.
Matthew 11:28 - Come to me all of you who are tired and have heavy loads and I will give you rest.
Psalms 121:3 - He will not let you be defeated. He who guards you never sleeps.
Keeping it simple today. Running the race Luann
Visiting blogs over the last few months has been beneficial as I meet people via their writing and get to learn about them through their writing. I am beginning to realize writing really is an art as the written word begins to paint a picture on canvas.
In addition I am still learning how to insert hyperlinks which I have not mastered. Can anyone help? Kim has really got me thinking about how I can improve on my writing. http://kim-living4today.blogspot.com/ has a link to a life long writer http://cecmurpheyswritertowriter.blogspot.com/ Today he talks about the number of words we use.
As I contemplate this concept from someone who likes to talk I think about how the promises in the bible where the words are few but powerful.
Proverbs 4:20 - My child pay attention to my words; listen closely to what I say; don't ever forget my words.
John 14:1 - Do not let your heart be troubled
Psalm 30:4- Lord my God I prayed and you healed me.
Matthew 11:28 - Come to me all of you who are tired and have heavy loads and I will give you rest.
Psalms 121:3 - He will not let you be defeated. He who guards you never sleeps.
Keeping it simple today. Running the race Luann
Friday, April 9, 2010
What can make my vains stronger?
I was suppose to go and get a muga scan on Monday. The purpose of this high tech test is to make sure my heart is working properly so that we can continue with the herceptin. Not realizing what I was in for I soon learned this was one of those test that required to be administered via an IV. Feeling like my veins had recovered from the traumatic chemo experience of #5 (9 tries by 5 different nurses brought a net of no chemo) I was sure we would not have any problems. Well so I thought!
I sat down in the "chemo like chair." A very confident nurse thought this was going to be a piece of cake! Stick 1, the needle went in but would not thread in my arm so she proceeded with stick number 2. No luck. "I don't understand that. I can get the needle in it just won't thread" I thought to my self here we go again! She continued "We have a two stick policy so I am going to get my co-worker. You know we rotate this problem and help each other out. Still I was hopeful.
He was a very kind man who had done this for years and was as confident as the nurse that we would get the needle in. He tried stick 3 it is in! I am encouraged, then "Oh no it is not going to thread." Tears began to roll down my face. Stick 4 did the same thing...we are in but no thread.
I was moving up in importance list. Mike was next. He was "the supervisor" who always gets the vain. I told Mike that was my sons name so for sure this was going to work. As hard as he tried sticks 5 and 6 were a repeat of the same. By this time my arm is beginning to be bruised and one hour later we were no closer to getting this test done than when we first started. Very concerned now Mike was contemplating options as the 2nd tech said "We have not had a problem like this in 4 1/2 years! I thought how lucky as I!
Not wanting to continue to hurt me they discussed calling my doc and asking him about doing an Echo cardiogram instead. This test was not as robust as the muga scan and I sarcastically thought to myself probably not as expensive as the Echo cardiogram either and they preceded to consult with my doc. I knew getting an order for the test was not going to be a problem with my doc because of all of the fun we had with my chemo. I was correct, as he gave the permission to administer the echo cardiogram which was administered and I was done 3 hours later.
Can I honestly tell you I am struggling with this whole thing? You see I have an obsession with not invading the body any more than is minimally necessary. The problem is I don't know what is minimal. I have done Herceptin for 5 months and have read research that 6 mos is almost as effective as 12. Is there a point of over kill to the body where the medicine does a reverse on the body? I truly saw that happen with my chemo treatment.
Last night, I got on the Internet which can get me in trouble :) and found there is another drug that is in pill form which is suppose to be more effective than the herceptin so I am thinking of talking to the doctor about that.
So I go back to the fact than when nothing makes sense I will fall back on the one thing that does. My Lord for wisdom and guidance. This is such a long race for sure! Sharing my prayer with you today:
I will praise the Lord because he ADVISES me. Even at night I feel His leading. I keep the Lord before me always. Because he is close by my side I will not be hurt. Psalms 17: V 7-9.
This sure is a long race Lord but I am running it with you! Luann
I sat down in the "chemo like chair." A very confident nurse thought this was going to be a piece of cake! Stick 1, the needle went in but would not thread in my arm so she proceeded with stick number 2. No luck. "I don't understand that. I can get the needle in it just won't thread" I thought to my self here we go again! She continued "We have a two stick policy so I am going to get my co-worker. You know we rotate this problem and help each other out. Still I was hopeful.
He was a very kind man who had done this for years and was as confident as the nurse that we would get the needle in. He tried stick 3 it is in! I am encouraged, then "Oh no it is not going to thread." Tears began to roll down my face. Stick 4 did the same thing...we are in but no thread.
I was moving up in importance list. Mike was next. He was "the supervisor" who always gets the vain. I told Mike that was my sons name so for sure this was going to work. As hard as he tried sticks 5 and 6 were a repeat of the same. By this time my arm is beginning to be bruised and one hour later we were no closer to getting this test done than when we first started. Very concerned now Mike was contemplating options as the 2nd tech said "We have not had a problem like this in 4 1/2 years! I thought how lucky as I!
Not wanting to continue to hurt me they discussed calling my doc and asking him about doing an Echo cardiogram instead. This test was not as robust as the muga scan and I sarcastically thought to myself probably not as expensive as the Echo cardiogram either and they preceded to consult with my doc. I knew getting an order for the test was not going to be a problem with my doc because of all of the fun we had with my chemo. I was correct, as he gave the permission to administer the echo cardiogram which was administered and I was done 3 hours later.
Can I honestly tell you I am struggling with this whole thing? You see I have an obsession with not invading the body any more than is minimally necessary. The problem is I don't know what is minimal. I have done Herceptin for 5 months and have read research that 6 mos is almost as effective as 12. Is there a point of over kill to the body where the medicine does a reverse on the body? I truly saw that happen with my chemo treatment.
Last night, I got on the Internet which can get me in trouble :) and found there is another drug that is in pill form which is suppose to be more effective than the herceptin so I am thinking of talking to the doctor about that.
So I go back to the fact than when nothing makes sense I will fall back on the one thing that does. My Lord for wisdom and guidance. This is such a long race for sure! Sharing my prayer with you today:
I will praise the Lord because he ADVISES me. Even at night I feel His leading. I keep the Lord before me always. Because he is close by my side I will not be hurt. Psalms 17: V 7-9.
This sure is a long race Lord but I am running it with you! Luann
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
"Are we almost there?"
As I was reading a blog from one of my new blog friends today with great interest I pondered the question "Are we almost there?" She was talking about the cancer journey and every time you think you are "almost there" there seems to be one more thing, one more test one more something which reminded me of when I was a child taking a car drive.
You see there were seven kids in our family in which I was the oldest. We had a red station wagon with the back seat facing the front of the car behind us. Our family lived in Madison, Wisconsin and all of the relatives lived in Detroit, Michigan. Twice a year we would pile in that station wagon and head on the long trip (maybe 6 or 8 hours) to our destination. We would no sooner get in the car than someone would ask "Are we there yet?" "No" my mom and dad replied in one voice! "Just sit back and relax!" Relax I thought. Who can relax when you are squished in the middle seat with a sister and brothers arms touching you? Our "home" destination was Detroit, Michigan because that was our real home, not Madison, Wisconsin which was my dad's temporary work assignment. So how does that apply to my spiritual walk?
Relax in the Father's arms I am reminded today and we are almost there. One day we will see our Father in all of his glory as he is driving the car homeward bound. Not our earthly home but our heavenly home. I don't think it matters if you have cancer, some other disease, or no disease. We are all headed for some destination. We encounter others who are on the same journey "touching each other" so we know we are not alone. How we choose to effect one another is our choice. To build up one another or tear one another down is our choice. To encourage or to discourage is our choice. To be in life or to sit on the sidelines and watch life go by is our choice. To accept God's grace or reject it is our choice.
Thank you Lord that I am not home yet. Help me to choose to be an instrument of your Love and Peace today, all day!
Running the race renewed in strength. Luann
You see there were seven kids in our family in which I was the oldest. We had a red station wagon with the back seat facing the front of the car behind us. Our family lived in Madison, Wisconsin and all of the relatives lived in Detroit, Michigan. Twice a year we would pile in that station wagon and head on the long trip (maybe 6 or 8 hours) to our destination. We would no sooner get in the car than someone would ask "Are we there yet?" "No" my mom and dad replied in one voice! "Just sit back and relax!" Relax I thought. Who can relax when you are squished in the middle seat with a sister and brothers arms touching you? Our "home" destination was Detroit, Michigan because that was our real home, not Madison, Wisconsin which was my dad's temporary work assignment. So how does that apply to my spiritual walk?
Relax in the Father's arms I am reminded today and we are almost there. One day we will see our Father in all of his glory as he is driving the car homeward bound. Not our earthly home but our heavenly home. I don't think it matters if you have cancer, some other disease, or no disease. We are all headed for some destination. We encounter others who are on the same journey "touching each other" so we know we are not alone. How we choose to effect one another is our choice. To build up one another or tear one another down is our choice. To encourage or to discourage is our choice. To be in life or to sit on the sidelines and watch life go by is our choice. To accept God's grace or reject it is our choice.
Thank you Lord that I am not home yet. Help me to choose to be an instrument of your Love and Peace today, all day!
Running the race renewed in strength. Luann
Monday, April 5, 2010
2010 Charlotte the big Queen City Celebrating Easter!
I returned yesterday evening extremely tired from a packed weekend of activities with my husband, daughter, son in law and 3 very active granddaughters in Charlotte, NC. The weekend brought a much needed break from the routine I have found myself in. While the entire weekend was full of activity here are some "highlight moments." It is true, kids do say the darnedest things!
Kennedy, my youngest granddaughter who is 4 said to me "Mimi I am not afraid of you being bald any more. Bald is Beautiful! Your hair will grow back."
Later that day Gary and myself took the girls to Concord Mills a mega mall in Charlotte. Kennedy and I were on a mission to "Find Mimi a new scarf" (She led the way into every store we went in saying "Mimi, how about this one?" "No Kennedy that is not going to work." She walked past a store model, stopped and said "Look Mimi that model is bald like you." Moving quickly she preceded to go into a jewelry store and said "Mimi take my picture." Now this photo is a keeper for her future:)
Taylor is the big sister who is 9 took her sisters into Justice Store which is popular with our Tweens. I told each girl they could get something. Taylor immediately saw some bright nail polish she knew she must have. Taylor skillfull talked her sisters into picking another color of nail polish so that they could all trade and paint each nail a different color. Since they were on sale we got bright green, orange, yellow, purple, blue:) Hope who is 6 on the other hand wanted a friendship necklace with a horse on it to give to her friend who loves horses!
It was on to the book store. Taylor is a vivid reader said. "I am so excited to go. There is nothing better than getting a new book!" Oh the experience of a fresh new book!
It was back to the house and Hope read me a story about Grandma Growing a Garden. In the book has a comprehension section that asked her to circle description words for veggies that were in a basket. She circled the word "fuzzy" which was incorrect according to the book. She challenged the answer and said "But Mimi some veggies do have fuzz on them" We discussed this further and we concluded that books can be challenged as long as you have a good argument. Thinking is a good thing!
I was also surprised to meet an actual blogging friend Jesse who is an inspirational runner and had breast cancer survivor 5 years ago. She is a spark of life for sure and we enjoyed exchanging stories of our journey.
What would Easter be without coloring Easter eggs. This is me with Taylor, Hope and Kennedy!
Gary and Hope show off the finished product...
Easter morning was one of the warmest Easter's I can remember. Here the kids are out on the deck with bubbles before we got ready to take pictures and go to church!
/
Every holiday we have a photo session and this Easter was no exception. We will do retakes until we get the picture right!
Three Generations in one Picture
Church this Easter was celebrated at the Time Warner Arena with Elevation Church where we found ourselves worshiping our risen Lord with over 10,000 people which was truly amazing.
We had dinner with Kris's parents and grandma, did an Easter Egg hunt which was a blast! All good things must come to an end so Gary and I packed up our car and headed back to Asheville, Tired with a huge smile on our faces. God is good, all the time God is good. We are blessed!
Running the race a little tired today:) Luann
Kennedy, my youngest granddaughter who is 4 said to me "Mimi I am not afraid of you being bald any more. Bald is Beautiful! Your hair will grow back."
Later that day Gary and myself took the girls to Concord Mills a mega mall in Charlotte. Kennedy and I were on a mission to "Find Mimi a new scarf" (She led the way into every store we went in saying "Mimi, how about this one?" "No Kennedy that is not going to work." She walked past a store model, stopped and said "Look Mimi that model is bald like you." Moving quickly she preceded to go into a jewelry store and said "Mimi take my picture." Now this photo is a keeper for her future:)
Taylor is the big sister who is 9 took her sisters into Justice Store which is popular with our Tweens. I told each girl they could get something. Taylor immediately saw some bright nail polish she knew she must have. Taylor skillfull talked her sisters into picking another color of nail polish so that they could all trade and paint each nail a different color. Since they were on sale we got bright green, orange, yellow, purple, blue:) Hope who is 6 on the other hand wanted a friendship necklace with a horse on it to give to her friend who loves horses!
It was on to the book store. Taylor is a vivid reader said. "I am so excited to go. There is nothing better than getting a new book!" Oh the experience of a fresh new book!
It was back to the house and Hope read me a story about Grandma Growing a Garden. In the book has a comprehension section that asked her to circle description words for veggies that were in a basket. She circled the word "fuzzy" which was incorrect according to the book. She challenged the answer and said "But Mimi some veggies do have fuzz on them" We discussed this further and we concluded that books can be challenged as long as you have a good argument. Thinking is a good thing!
I was also surprised to meet an actual blogging friend Jesse who is an inspirational runner and had breast cancer survivor 5 years ago. She is a spark of life for sure and we enjoyed exchanging stories of our journey.
What would Easter be without coloring Easter eggs. This is me with Taylor, Hope and Kennedy!
Gary and Hope show off the finished product...
Easter morning was one of the warmest Easter's I can remember. Here the kids are out on the deck with bubbles before we got ready to take pictures and go to church!
/
Every holiday we have a photo session and this Easter was no exception. We will do retakes until we get the picture right!
Three Generations in one Picture
Church this Easter was celebrated at the Time Warner Arena with Elevation Church where we found ourselves worshiping our risen Lord with over 10,000 people which was truly amazing.
We had dinner with Kris's parents and grandma, did an Easter Egg hunt which was a blast! All good things must come to an end so Gary and I packed up our car and headed back to Asheville, Tired with a huge smile on our faces. God is good, all the time God is good. We are blessed!
Running the race a little tired today:) Luann
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