Yesterday, I went in for Radiation treatment number 9 out of what I thought was 20. Entering the treatment room which has become second nature I was greeted by the technician. "Good morning how are you?" I asked "Good and you?" the technician replied. "Well I am doing well! So we are on number 9 out of 20 treatments?" He said "Well no that is not what I have ordered for you. You are only scheduled to have 16 treatments." I perked up even more "Hum, the doc originally told me I needed 15 accelerated treatments and 5 treatments of a boost." "Well you will have to talk with the Doctor about that."
As I laid on the cold table and prayed the prayer I pray every morning "Lord protect what needs to be protected and destroy what needs to be destroyed" I heard the now familiar sound of the click of the big white machine comes on and shoots out an invisible radiation beam to the Breast that once held the cancer tumor. At times feeling the heat I humbly ask for protection. Then thinking back on what the technician said and thought well I wasn't expecting to hear that today. That's an unexpected surprise!
I see the Doc this morning and will ask if this is true. Even if it does turn out that he was wrong I fully believe my main prayer on this journey is answered.
Another prayer I have been praying is that I do not get radiation burn which is common with the type of radiation I am having. Well at the start of the radiation,a dear co-worker gave me a huge Aloe Vera plant that has supplied me with all of the Aloe Vera I could need for a year of radiation for protection against a burn. And so far the area being radiated is only a light, light pink. Another unexpected surprise.
Yesterday one of our employees gave me a hand made mountain scarf from a little retired lady who makes these for people who have lost their hair (which I have and is now trying to grow back, which is an interesting topic for another time :). Another unexpected surprise.
Sometimes on this journey I get so tired. There are certainly peaks and valleys that I would have never thought possible in one life. Every once in awhile an unexpected surprise comes along which gives me a boost to keep running the race.
When I think about my God who gave us the greatest unexpected surprise of all, a love that never fails that just blows my socks away!
What unexpected surprises have you had recently?
Running the Race with gratitude in my heart today! Luann
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Time is Now for Cancer to Go!
Last Friday two gals that I worked with asked me what I thought about our plant participating in the Marshall Relay for Life. As we sat around the round table in my office I asked them to describe their vision for the event. "I can see a banner with our company name and lots of folks from the plant walking behind it, T-Shirts, you participating, and we need a dinner fund raiser to raise money for the event."
I replied "When is the event?" Matter of fact one gal answered "Next Friday" "Next Friday" I echoed. "Wow that is allot to achieve in a very short period of time!" Inside I was saying "we don't have enough time to get this organized to achieve this goal" but I bit my tongue and just listened. "We really want to do this Luann."
My mind paused for a moment. "They want me to "participate." I have not been able to see me participating at one of the cancer specific events because I don't want any special attention and maybe I don't want to be known as a survivor. After all, I didn't do anything "special" to earn this attention. I just got breast cancer. I ask you what did I do that any other person wouldn't do in my situation? The human spirit inside us all wants to survive. I am not special I thought.
I rejoined the conversation saying "I am not sure if I am going to be able to walk. I start radiation today..in fact I am leaving in a few minutes and don't know how I will feel. They excitedly replied "We will take care of everything Luann, don't you worry." Thus Relay for Life was ignited in our plant.
I always believed that there would come a time when God would lead me to publicly address the plant of 177 employees who had played such an important role in my journey. Now it was my time to give back.
Taking the opportunity to help launch this aggressive endeavour my co-workers initiated I prepared a PowerPoint presentation to educate our folks about cancer. There are many things about cancer that are out of our control, however there are are things we can do to help stamp out cancer!
Yes genetics plays a role in some kinds of cancer but we can control the fact that if we smoke we can quit, if we are couch potatoes, we can move the body more, if we are over weight we can loose weight, if we eat mostly junk, we can eat veggies and fruits, and if we love the sun we can use sunscreen. In the presentation, I put it all on the table with a picture of myself bald along with my story of negligence in keeping up with my mammogram. I made a choice to tell it all.
Yes my time was now. I began the presentation this morning by asking "Who knows someone in your family, relatives, friends who have cancer? Raise your hands. Challenging the group I said "Now look around the room, see how many people with their hand up in the air. Cancer has effected so many folks in this room."
"The Time is now for Cancer to Go." I gave it my all as I nervously talked about all different kinds of Cancer's because it isn't just breast cancer. As I shared the shocking statistics of all kinds of cancers there are, but more importantly challenged the group to think about a small change they could do to have a healthier life. We talked about preventive screening measures which by the way is the responsibility for both men and women to prevent cancer! I shared the fact that I skipped last year's mammogram because I was "too busy." and also admitted that I found the lump a few months before that but didn't do anything because I wanted to go on vacation and not have my family worry. I even thought "Well maybe it will go away!" We know that didn't happen.
The response of my engaged audience was amazing. After the presentation was done and the meeting was over, employee discussion was high with "Oh yea, I really need to do that." "Yep, I am 50 so it is time for that colonoscopy." I thought "If one employee gets a screening and prevents cancer then it will all be worth it for me." Flyer's on how to do a self breast exam disappeared from the table as employees became more educated on how to take care of their bodies.
Today I was blessed as once again I admit my God must increase, I must decrease. As I reflected back on Friday's conversation with my two co-workers and how I wanted to just say no, God had much more in mind! The table for Relay for Life looked beautiful. Lives were enriched because of two employees who said "Yes we can!"
So next Friday I will proudly be attending a Survivor Dinner before the event and I will walk the other survivors and plant. This is a milestone for me to let others contribute to me. Not something that is done naturally for me. Nevertheless I am humbled at how blessed I am today!
Humbly Running the Race, Luann
I replied "When is the event?" Matter of fact one gal answered "Next Friday" "Next Friday" I echoed. "Wow that is allot to achieve in a very short period of time!" Inside I was saying "we don't have enough time to get this organized to achieve this goal" but I bit my tongue and just listened. "We really want to do this Luann."
My mind paused for a moment. "They want me to "participate." I have not been able to see me participating at one of the cancer specific events because I don't want any special attention and maybe I don't want to be known as a survivor. After all, I didn't do anything "special" to earn this attention. I just got breast cancer. I ask you what did I do that any other person wouldn't do in my situation? The human spirit inside us all wants to survive. I am not special I thought.
I rejoined the conversation saying "I am not sure if I am going to be able to walk. I start radiation today..in fact I am leaving in a few minutes and don't know how I will feel. They excitedly replied "We will take care of everything Luann, don't you worry." Thus Relay for Life was ignited in our plant.
I always believed that there would come a time when God would lead me to publicly address the plant of 177 employees who had played such an important role in my journey. Now it was my time to give back.
Taking the opportunity to help launch this aggressive endeavour my co-workers initiated I prepared a PowerPoint presentation to educate our folks about cancer. There are many things about cancer that are out of our control, however there are are things we can do to help stamp out cancer!
Yes genetics plays a role in some kinds of cancer but we can control the fact that if we smoke we can quit, if we are couch potatoes, we can move the body more, if we are over weight we can loose weight, if we eat mostly junk, we can eat veggies and fruits, and if we love the sun we can use sunscreen. In the presentation, I put it all on the table with a picture of myself bald along with my story of negligence in keeping up with my mammogram. I made a choice to tell it all.
Yes my time was now. I began the presentation this morning by asking "Who knows someone in your family, relatives, friends who have cancer? Raise your hands. Challenging the group I said "Now look around the room, see how many people with their hand up in the air. Cancer has effected so many folks in this room."
"The Time is now for Cancer to Go." I gave it my all as I nervously talked about all different kinds of Cancer's because it isn't just breast cancer. As I shared the shocking statistics of all kinds of cancers there are, but more importantly challenged the group to think about a small change they could do to have a healthier life. We talked about preventive screening measures which by the way is the responsibility for both men and women to prevent cancer! I shared the fact that I skipped last year's mammogram because I was "too busy." and also admitted that I found the lump a few months before that but didn't do anything because I wanted to go on vacation and not have my family worry. I even thought "Well maybe it will go away!" We know that didn't happen.
The response of my engaged audience was amazing. After the presentation was done and the meeting was over, employee discussion was high with "Oh yea, I really need to do that." "Yep, I am 50 so it is time for that colonoscopy." I thought "If one employee gets a screening and prevents cancer then it will all be worth it for me." Flyer's on how to do a self breast exam disappeared from the table as employees became more educated on how to take care of their bodies.
Today I was blessed as once again I admit my God must increase, I must decrease. As I reflected back on Friday's conversation with my two co-workers and how I wanted to just say no, God had much more in mind! The table for Relay for Life looked beautiful. Lives were enriched because of two employees who said "Yes we can!"
So next Friday I will proudly be attending a Survivor Dinner before the event and I will walk the other survivors and plant. This is a milestone for me to let others contribute to me. Not something that is done naturally for me. Nevertheless I am humbled at how blessed I am today!
Humbly Running the Race, Luann
Saturday, May 8, 2010
"I am honored to have this tatoo"
The other night I was eating dinner with a friend when a text message popped up on my cell phone from my son Mike. I looked at the picture on the phone and showed my friend. "What is it?" She looked at it and said "I don't know." "Looks like a skull." she replied. Then I read the caption "Just wanted to fore warn you what I did. That is Asher's CT scan I had tattooed." I have to admit I was shocked at the size and the fact that he got the tattoo. The text conversation continued "Had you thought about it long? Mike replied "Yes I always wanted a tattoo but wanted it to be meaningful."Did it hurt?" "No not bad. It is on the outside of my arm. I feel good about it cause it is my little boy and he went through alot and I feel honored to wear it." Asher is almost 2 and had skull reconstruction through the mos of December - February this year.
Asher and his Dad Mike
Asher with his mom Jenny (The size of the photo is due to the down load. Jenny is a woman with huge courage and stamina!)
Asher has a hat too!
Asher today..
Flashbacks of being tattooed for radiation last week haunt my mind. I am beginning to be OK with it. I did not choose my tatoo but I do have a sense of achievement in the meaning of it as I continue to walk though both the peeks and valleys of this journey that we didn't choose, never giving up hope that the treatments are worth it to live.
Just as Asher fought for his little life, I too fight for mine. I am reminded of the Tattoo that is in my heart of a kind and gentle Lord who paid a big price for me by his death on the cross and Resurrection into life so that I can live! I am continually in awe of how provisions have been made for me over and over and how has taken care of me every step of the way. For this I am grateful!
PS I received my first radiation treatment yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I anticipated! I will be doing acupuncture with it to help with the fatigue that is a bit of a problem for me. Still I am free!
Free to Run..
Still I am Free to Run the Race Luann
Sunday, May 2, 2010
As The World Turns
I have to admit along time ago I use to watch the soaps "As The World Turns, Days of Our Lives and General Hospital(which was indeed my favorite)." I think the reason soaps were appealing to me was there was never a dull moment. Sometimes the villain would win, sometimes love just found a way, sometimes there was a new birth, sometimes a death. But life went on!
It has been awhile since I last posted. I hate to admit it but I have been really fatigued and overwhelmed with the idea of radiation! Since Chemo has been over for a whopping 5 weeks, my expectations were not to disappoint those whom I work with, in my family, friends and myself. I wanted to bounce back giving everything I did before my body was injected with the poison aimed at killing any trace of cancer that could possibly left in my body.
I reasoned by now I should be "normal again." After all, I would be a slacker if I could not be as functional as I was before I began Chemo. I should be able to carry on working 45 to 50 hours in a week, keep the house clean, prepare healthy meals, exercise, have quiet time, a life outside of work and most important be the wife, mom and Mimi I am. Right? Well the truth is I am not there yet. I have found it hard to focus and have the energy to do more than one thing at a time. Moving towards optimise health but not there yet.
So as my world turns, I will count my blessings one by one and let you know my mammogram was clean which was an answer to prayer. Radiation will be accelerated. This means instead of the standard 6 weeks 5 days a week regimen, I will begin taking radiation probably beginning this week for the next 4 weeks or 20 sessions. I am extremely grateful for this also. This week I got three tattoo's - x marks the spot on where the radiation will be administered. I only had a little melt down. I was reminded by a friend of mine that tatoos were a sign of courage and honor! For that reminder I am greatful!
I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord maker of heaven and earth. Psalms 121:1-2
Here is a piece of heaven right outside my front door!
Running the race a little slower today! Luann
It has been awhile since I last posted. I hate to admit it but I have been really fatigued and overwhelmed with the idea of radiation! Since Chemo has been over for a whopping 5 weeks, my expectations were not to disappoint those whom I work with, in my family, friends and myself. I wanted to bounce back giving everything I did before my body was injected with the poison aimed at killing any trace of cancer that could possibly left in my body.
I reasoned by now I should be "normal again." After all, I would be a slacker if I could not be as functional as I was before I began Chemo. I should be able to carry on working 45 to 50 hours in a week, keep the house clean, prepare healthy meals, exercise, have quiet time, a life outside of work and most important be the wife, mom and Mimi I am. Right? Well the truth is I am not there yet. I have found it hard to focus and have the energy to do more than one thing at a time. Moving towards optimise health but not there yet.
So as my world turns, I will count my blessings one by one and let you know my mammogram was clean which was an answer to prayer. Radiation will be accelerated. This means instead of the standard 6 weeks 5 days a week regimen, I will begin taking radiation probably beginning this week for the next 4 weeks or 20 sessions. I am extremely grateful for this also. This week I got three tattoo's - x marks the spot on where the radiation will be administered. I only had a little melt down. I was reminded by a friend of mine that tatoos were a sign of courage and honor! For that reminder I am greatful!
I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord maker of heaven and earth. Psalms 121:1-2
Here is a piece of heaven right outside my front door!
Running the race a little slower today! Luann
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