I am a little apprehensive about going for the Mammogram and Bone Density test today. My gosh I can hardly believe it has been a year since I have the lumpectomy. So many things have occurred since I began this journey I can hardly believe it has just been a year. As I was glancing over FB this morning I ran across a post from a Patients against Lymphoma.
They had a link to Dr Joe Himle who is an associate professor for Psychiatry at the University of Michigan who was talking about Cognitive Therapy.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fbit.ly%2FHimle&h=8c0c1
I thought maybe he has something to say for me today so I don't ordinarily take the time to listen but I did this morning. I am glad I did. As he was talking about cognitive therapy this really struck me today. He said that cognitive therapy is not the power of positive thinking but it is telling yourself the truth about the positive things in your life. Depression has a hard time hitting a moving target and most often hits the stationary target. Wow!! I never thought about depression like that!
So in the midst of this uncertainty today I am reminded of how God kept me moving. And according to his word he is not going to leave me or forsake me. These were the things that are the truth for me today.
This is what God allowed me to do to keep moving over the first year and combat the loneliness I so desperately felt during those winter months and still occasionally feel today.
1. I had one person tell me "Luann what ever you do keep filling your thought and minds with Jesus and sent me some cable channels of folks to listen to." I took heed to that advice while I was so alone and isolated during the winter months of last year. This was a great piece of advice.
2. I used Social media to connect with people when I was too tired to even think about moving. I created a blog which really helped. Many of my new friends are still my friends today (wink, wink!)
3. Moving your body when your body is too weak is hard to do. So I began moving with Leslie Samone's two mile walk. After my surgery I just shuffled back and forth for 5 minutes. Anything to keep moving some. Today I am walking every morning up a huge hill at work for about two miles.
4. I have never been interested in journals but I began doing that which also helped.
5. Downloaded some marching music on my IPOD from the Boston Pops Orchestra which is how I get my body moving today.
6. I have been on Femara for one week and am ok. Now this is a real praise! My new oncologist said that when they list the side effects for the Aromatise Inhibitors they are listed by women who have completed chemo therapy. So in truth they do not know if the side effects were caused by chemo or by the drug. Since I had side effects from the chemo i.e. bone aches, hot flashes, a bit of moodiness nothing has changed since I took the drug.
After I made my list of the truth of my situation I am reminded that God is for me and his Grace is enough. So although I am apprehensive about today, I look back on the truth and know that what ever today brings I will be ok.
Have you made your list today of the positive truth in your life?
Running the race with renewed strength! Luann
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Fog
I took this photo from my front porch yesterday. For a moment the hot summer's day had a collision with a brief but desperate needed rain. Fog rose up from nowhere and hovered the mountain I knew so well. The fog covered the mountain like a blanket of snow which gave the illusion there was no mountain. However the magnificent call of nature could not be denied just because there was fog covering it.
Reflecting over my life the past two weeks were filled with magnificent fun, family, laughter, and a vacation in the splendor of the Smokey Mountains. However slowly a "fog" began to cover my topsy turvey reality of a year with Breast Cancer.
I was asked what I would write about now that my treatment was officially done and I was NED (No Evidence of Disease). I knew one thing for sure, I really didn't want to think about cancer any more. I reasoned if I kept dwelling on this cancer thing it would never go away. My writing (blogging) about my experiences intertwined with the cancer story was something I wanted to escape from never to come back!
It didn't take long for my utopia to be crushed. Friday I went to work after two weeks of vacation. It took less than 8 hours to have my precious energy that was restored be sucked out of me. This is impossible I thought. I have been on vacation almost two weeks and my energy was great. OH that precious energy that we all depend on to keep us going was gone once again.
I encountered an utter mess at work. Our business unit was up for sale again and a nagging uncertainty crept within me. Oh the mind can present itself in a state of lies when you are tired. "Luann, once this business sold you will not have a job. Let's face it, you are just over head. Besides look at your energy. You go on vacation 2 weeks and in one day it is gone. You don't have the energy to keep on top of your game." Everything I knew as "normal" was now gone. My personal life and now my job. I am trying so hard to get thing back to normal but it is just not working.
Today is Sunday. My husband is sick with the flu, my glands are swollen and I am afraid I am going to catch the flu also. I am tired and did not make it to church. Still, in spite of me God still had plans in working this whole thing out. I listed to a preacher from my daughters church Elevation in Charlotte, NC.
He talked about getting paralyzed by past pain which makes us stuck and we can't move forward. We ask ourselves "why" and God "why" which is OK. In fact, Jesus on the cross asked the Father in heaven "Why." The thing is Jesus didn't stay on the cross as he had a purpose for you and me. The preacher went on to say that even though we ask why, we really don't want to know all of the details of "why" but what we are saying is we wish this had not happened to us.
That was it. My reality was I wished Breast Cancer had not happened to me. Although through my journey I learned a great deal which I would not change, I still wish cancer had not happened. I thought if I denied it would go away. Quit writing, quit telling my story and it will all go away. Then I read my dear friend Marie's blog. "http://beyondbreastcancer.wordpress.com/2010/07/11/diana-raab/
I learned that denial is common with many cancer survivors and even the strongest may struggle with this. It was very comforting to know I was not alone.
However, I can't stay in denial because I do have a purpose that can only be done by me. There has been allot of tears shed today but the fog is going away. I am a beautiful creation still being perfected by a God who loves me and yes I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer which forever a part of me. The fog is going away!
Blessings to you today. We have to keep Running the Race before us. No one else can do the race like we can! Luann
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Starting all over again
June 23, I write in my journal. "I saw Dr. M. yesterday. His behavior was not any different than it was before I just don't think he is on top of his game any more as he boosts that he has 30 years of experience. When I arrived for the appointment 15 minutes early which is protocol for every visit, I asked if I was receiving blood work. "No the receptionist replied no blood work was ordered." After waiting in the waiting room 15 minutes I was ushered back to the second waiting room for 10 more minutes and finally ended up in Dr. M's examination room where I waited one hour. (This has become the norm for his office as he only sees patients 2 days in the week.)
Finally he came in and asked me how I was doing. I immediately told him "I don't know no blood work was ordered." "Well we will get some before you leave."
"So are you going to do Arimidex?" "No in my last visit you gave me the list of drugs and told me to research and we would discuss in this visit. I think Femara might be better."
I went on to say that I have been reading about all of my drug choices and they all have awful side effects, however I think this is the lesser of all the evils of these drugs. Anyway I read with this drug and you are suppose to take calcium with it. I have a concern about my bones." He said "You don't need to take calcium with this. Is osteoporosis in your family?" "No" I replied "Well then you don't need calcium." Not believing that I asked well "How about a bone density test? Do I need that so we can get a baseline?" "How long ago did you have one." "Over 10 years ago." "Ok we will order this test." (He never entered that into my chart so it was not ordered)
I went on to say "I heard there is a blood test which can show if the cancer is present in my system." "Yes but it is only 50% accurate but yes we can do it."
Gary asked him "When could we say that I was cancer free?" He quickly replied "Never with Breast Cancer. I will not even say you are in remission."
This was not true as I asked this same question which was a question recommended by the Amercian Cancer Socitey in my first visit with him (and I still have the notes from that visit) He said that I was in remission since there is was no evidence of the cancer in my system after the surgery and there was no activity in my lymph nodes.
He went on to say "Herceptin for a year is the biggest bang for your buck. (I have had 6 months worth) More than chemo and certainly more than radiation because with radiation we don't know who it will work on and who it won't." "Well than why did I do chemo? Because the Herceptin works better with it." I thought "Well how much better? Then again it didn't matter because that was done. Opps just a small point he left out.
I really wanted to get to the bottom line of us working together. "Dr. M I am not sure you and I are a good fit. Your style is very paternalistic. My father treated me the same way. "My way or the highway with little discussion about anything. He did not care how I felt." "Well I suppose you are right, I am the doctor and have been doing this for 30 years. I know what my patients need." "Yes you may but you don't know who Luann is." He didn't say anything. I left his office discouraged and defeated.
Even after this discouraging conversation with the doctor I was afraid to finally say this was enough. As in any relationship it is a two way street. There has to be communicating and understanding. There use to be a post in Good Housekeeping I think called "Can this Marriage be Saved?" Really if you think about it the relationship with the doctor is based on trust and respect. I don't have that anymore.
Now I am asking myself what did I do to contribute to this? In hind site, out of anger and fear of this cancer my back up style turned into an attack mode. The more research I gathered, the more I challenged the status quo. I could not count on him to be up to date on everything that was going on with my type of breast cancer. Maybe it was the way I approached him with my know it all attitude? Possibly. I did write down questions every time. It seemed that the more questions I asked the more defensive he got.
Still there is an emptiness in me. Even though the relationship was adversary it was the "normal" that I knew. Now I have to start all over with a new oncologist. I don't want to make the same mistakes so I am asking you how would you begin again with my new oncologist on July 12th?
A bit discouraged but still Running the Race. Luann
Finally he came in and asked me how I was doing. I immediately told him "I don't know no blood work was ordered." "Well we will get some before you leave."
"So are you going to do Arimidex?" "No in my last visit you gave me the list of drugs and told me to research and we would discuss in this visit. I think Femara might be better."
I went on to say that I have been reading about all of my drug choices and they all have awful side effects, however I think this is the lesser of all the evils of these drugs. Anyway I read with this drug and you are suppose to take calcium with it. I have a concern about my bones." He said "You don't need to take calcium with this. Is osteoporosis in your family?" "No" I replied "Well then you don't need calcium." Not believing that I asked well "How about a bone density test? Do I need that so we can get a baseline?" "How long ago did you have one." "Over 10 years ago." "Ok we will order this test." (He never entered that into my chart so it was not ordered)
I went on to say "I heard there is a blood test which can show if the cancer is present in my system." "Yes but it is only 50% accurate but yes we can do it."
Gary asked him "When could we say that I was cancer free?" He quickly replied "Never with Breast Cancer. I will not even say you are in remission."
This was not true as I asked this same question which was a question recommended by the Amercian Cancer Socitey in my first visit with him (and I still have the notes from that visit) He said that I was in remission since there is was no evidence of the cancer in my system after the surgery and there was no activity in my lymph nodes.
He went on to say "Herceptin for a year is the biggest bang for your buck. (I have had 6 months worth) More than chemo and certainly more than radiation because with radiation we don't know who it will work on and who it won't." "Well than why did I do chemo? Because the Herceptin works better with it." I thought "Well how much better? Then again it didn't matter because that was done. Opps just a small point he left out.
I really wanted to get to the bottom line of us working together. "Dr. M I am not sure you and I are a good fit. Your style is very paternalistic. My father treated me the same way. "My way or the highway with little discussion about anything. He did not care how I felt." "Well I suppose you are right, I am the doctor and have been doing this for 30 years. I know what my patients need." "Yes you may but you don't know who Luann is." He didn't say anything. I left his office discouraged and defeated.
Even after this discouraging conversation with the doctor I was afraid to finally say this was enough. As in any relationship it is a two way street. There has to be communicating and understanding. There use to be a post in Good Housekeeping I think called "Can this Marriage be Saved?" Really if you think about it the relationship with the doctor is based on trust and respect. I don't have that anymore.
Now I am asking myself what did I do to contribute to this? In hind site, out of anger and fear of this cancer my back up style turned into an attack mode. The more research I gathered, the more I challenged the status quo. I could not count on him to be up to date on everything that was going on with my type of breast cancer. Maybe it was the way I approached him with my know it all attitude? Possibly. I did write down questions every time. It seemed that the more questions I asked the more defensive he got.
Still there is an emptiness in me. Even though the relationship was adversary it was the "normal" that I knew. Now I have to start all over with a new oncologist. I don't want to make the same mistakes so I am asking you how would you begin again with my new oncologist on July 12th?
A bit discouraged but still Running the Race. Luann
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Lions and Tigers and Bears OH MY!
Growing up, Thanksgiving Day in our house was full of excitement, chaos, fun, laughter, loud conversations, as we crammed 7 kids, a mom and dad, cousins, grand parents into a house that might have been 1800 SQ feet including the basement in Livonia, Michigan. One time I even remember the turkey catching on fire as we had to wait for the Lions Football Game to finish before we could gather together to give thanks around the meal that my mom prepared. But the best part of the evening was when everyone gathered around our Magnavox TV with a screen that I think was about 23inches to watch The Wizard of Oz.
In her dreams Dorothy finds herself in the beautiful Land of OZ after she gets hit on her head and knocked unconscious with a window during a violent tornado in Kansas. She meets some friends along the way who partner with her to help her get to the Emerald City where a great and powerful Wizard has the answer to get her back home to her beloved Kansas. The Lion, Scare Crow, Tin Man and Dorthy encounter all kinds of obstacles that almost paralyze them into thinking they will not make it to the city as they walk through the dark cold forest. They are sure they are going to encounter "Lions and Tigers and Bears but they keep pushing forward as they know they must reach their goal to meet this mysterious wizard.
Like Dorothy, 10 months ago I got hit on the head with a window - well it was more like a brick as my tornado hit and knocked me out. It almost seems like a dream. "You have breast cancer." Where is the Emerald City for me? The place where I will be safe. I want to go back home to my "normal world." Oh the "Lions and Tigers and Bears" that I keep encountering have stopped me in my feet once again. That yellow brick road to the emerald city is so long! Chemo, my hair falling out, trying to figure out what to eat because nothing tasted right, fatigue, loneliness, radiation.
I am trying to get back home Mr. Wizard. I want to feel normal again. I want to have my brain and energy back. Tuesday I will encounter another choice. Which Aromataise Inhibitor do I need? Is it Femara, Arimidex or Aromasin? The possible side effects? Hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain, fatigue, depression, bone pain..the Lions, Tigers and Bears of "what if's" are plaguing me right now.
I know I will get that Emerald City someday. However, like Dorothy when she returned to her home, she had been changed inside so she was not the same Dorothy that left Kansas. She was appreciative of the things in life she once took for granted. Dorothy was in life, not just a by stander.
That is how I feel! I think sometimes we all encounter tornadoes in our life that turn our world around and upside down. We must keep pressing to get to that Emerald City. Things may not be the same as they were before we left home, perhaps they can be better.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation I shall fear no one!"
Running the Race with hope! Luann
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Graduation Day and Commencement Ceremony
I can remember my College Graduation Day like it was yesterday. The year was May of 1992. I am now 55 years old so if you do the math, you know I was no spring chicken when I graduated. You see, I was not your traditional student as I was almost 40 years old when I received my diploma. College actually took me 9 years to complete because I took one course at a time going to night school which was grueling. On top of that I worked full time and tried to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend I could be. At times I fell short but those are topics for another time. We lived over seas in Mannheim, Germany where I attended the University of Maryland - European division.
The rigorous course work was grueling at times as I tried to push through Accounting, Economics and a plethora of Business courses. The goal of the University was to do everything they could to prepare me, make me strong and make sure I was well rounded to to succeed in life. I must admit that there were many times I was ready to give up but my family and friends kept pushing me to keep going! Reaching into the depth of my soul with all of the strength that I had indeed I kept going.
We got the news that we were being transferred to Iwakuni Japan and I did not complete the paper work on time to be able to walk in the Commencement Ceremony in Germany. I was so disappointed that I paid my dues and was not able to celebrate with my fellow classmates on European soil. I was told I could participate on US soil but not with my classmates. I thought "I don't want to walk with people I don't even know and sank to the realization that my dream to celebrate would be unfilled.
That was not the case! My family and friends saw to it that I would graduate and have the party they thought I deserved so they created a ceremony and party for me. I wore the cap and gown of one of my friends children who was graduating High School as the colors were the same. I had a cake, presents and felt so very proud that I had finally after 9 years completed this lofty goal. Not in the traditional sense by any means but after all I am not what you would call a traditional individual.
You might ask what does graduation have to do with my recent cancer journey? There are actually alot of similarities. Instead of rigorous course work I had rigorous treatments of Chemo and Radiation.
Instead of professors, I had doctors. As a student I challenged the status quo quite often as I did not always accept what I was told. I was the annoying student who always sat in the front seat and attentively listened to what was being presented and was always raising my hand to ask why. I took copious notes. When something did not make sense, I would challenge the status quo asking why or why not and then conduct my own research to see which path I would accept. Sometimes I got an answer that made sense to me and accepted the professors reasoning, other times I did not.
As a patient I am sure I am perceived as annoying. I felt it was my job to take copious notes, always going to "class" with the doctor prepared and with questions I needed answers too. After all Doctors are human too. And yes I challenged the status quo as I began to be a student of learning the course work of cancer.
I think in this vast field of medicine and cancer things are constantly changing and we must be students of learning in this area. The goal of the doctor was to prepare my body to fight this awful invasion of cancer to my body and conquor this disease. However, the method of how we reached this goal did not go without questions.
"Why 6 sessions of chemo, why not 5,4 or 3? Why do I have to take pre-meds with chemo? Why do I have to do 6 weeks of radiation? Why not an accelerated course of 4 or 3 weeks?" Now that was a good question because we were able to cut the 6 weeks to 4 by accelerating the process which brings me to yesterday. Just like getting my degree many times I felt like quiting. My body screamed "Please not another invasion, not another drug! But my family and friends keep pushing me to keep going saying it will be worth it! You must finish!
Yesterday, as I laid on the cold, hard radiation table for the last time I repeated in my mind the same prayer I had through out radiation and chemo course.
"Lord protect what needs to be protected and destroy what needs to be destroyed"
As this was uttered one more time something was different occurred. The invisible beam came on and penetrated my body one more time I could hear the weak but strong buzz of the ray. Then silence. It was finished. I felt God touch my heart to gently say...
"Luann this is done."
The lights came on in the room and I felt an incredible peace that now I could move on. Indeed I had graduated. This part of the journey was done. Moving onto "Graduate School" the course work will be maintenance drugs, follow ups and learning to be in life again. Not sure how this will totally play out, but I ask you who of us really knows that for sure?
"I am done with radiation!" The commencement ceremony was simple. I changed my radiation gown for my street clothes and retired this gown to the trash can!
Talk about celebration! Here is the celebration box that my blogging sister Kim sent me to celebrate the passing of the course work and Graduating! You can follow Kim at Http://kim-living4today.blogspot.com. (Sorry I have still not learned how to insert a link) A huge thank you for this surprise Kim! This was such a great idea!
One thing for sure..I will never be the same again!
Running the Race as a Graduate today. Luann
The rigorous course work was grueling at times as I tried to push through Accounting, Economics and a plethora of Business courses. The goal of the University was to do everything they could to prepare me, make me strong and make sure I was well rounded to to succeed in life. I must admit that there were many times I was ready to give up but my family and friends kept pushing me to keep going! Reaching into the depth of my soul with all of the strength that I had indeed I kept going.
We got the news that we were being transferred to Iwakuni Japan and I did not complete the paper work on time to be able to walk in the Commencement Ceremony in Germany. I was so disappointed that I paid my dues and was not able to celebrate with my fellow classmates on European soil. I was told I could participate on US soil but not with my classmates. I thought "I don't want to walk with people I don't even know and sank to the realization that my dream to celebrate would be unfilled.
That was not the case! My family and friends saw to it that I would graduate and have the party they thought I deserved so they created a ceremony and party for me. I wore the cap and gown of one of my friends children who was graduating High School as the colors were the same. I had a cake, presents and felt so very proud that I had finally after 9 years completed this lofty goal. Not in the traditional sense by any means but after all I am not what you would call a traditional individual.
You might ask what does graduation have to do with my recent cancer journey? There are actually alot of similarities. Instead of rigorous course work I had rigorous treatments of Chemo and Radiation.
Instead of professors, I had doctors. As a student I challenged the status quo quite often as I did not always accept what I was told. I was the annoying student who always sat in the front seat and attentively listened to what was being presented and was always raising my hand to ask why. I took copious notes. When something did not make sense, I would challenge the status quo asking why or why not and then conduct my own research to see which path I would accept. Sometimes I got an answer that made sense to me and accepted the professors reasoning, other times I did not.
As a patient I am sure I am perceived as annoying. I felt it was my job to take copious notes, always going to "class" with the doctor prepared and with questions I needed answers too. After all Doctors are human too. And yes I challenged the status quo as I began to be a student of learning the course work of cancer.
I think in this vast field of medicine and cancer things are constantly changing and we must be students of learning in this area. The goal of the doctor was to prepare my body to fight this awful invasion of cancer to my body and conquor this disease. However, the method of how we reached this goal did not go without questions.
"Why 6 sessions of chemo, why not 5,4 or 3? Why do I have to take pre-meds with chemo? Why do I have to do 6 weeks of radiation? Why not an accelerated course of 4 or 3 weeks?" Now that was a good question because we were able to cut the 6 weeks to 4 by accelerating the process which brings me to yesterday. Just like getting my degree many times I felt like quiting. My body screamed "Please not another invasion, not another drug! But my family and friends keep pushing me to keep going saying it will be worth it! You must finish!
Yesterday, as I laid on the cold, hard radiation table for the last time I repeated in my mind the same prayer I had through out radiation and chemo course.
"Lord protect what needs to be protected and destroy what needs to be destroyed"
As this was uttered one more time something was different occurred. The invisible beam came on and penetrated my body one more time I could hear the weak but strong buzz of the ray. Then silence. It was finished. I felt God touch my heart to gently say...
"Luann this is done."
The lights came on in the room and I felt an incredible peace that now I could move on. Indeed I had graduated. This part of the journey was done. Moving onto "Graduate School" the course work will be maintenance drugs, follow ups and learning to be in life again. Not sure how this will totally play out, but I ask you who of us really knows that for sure?
"I am done with radiation!" The commencement ceremony was simple. I changed my radiation gown for my street clothes and retired this gown to the trash can!
Talk about celebration! Here is the celebration box that my blogging sister Kim sent me to celebrate the passing of the course work and Graduating! You can follow Kim at Http://kim-living4today.blogspot.com. (Sorry I have still not learned how to insert a link) A huge thank you for this surprise Kim! This was such a great idea!
One thing for sure..I will never be the same again!
Running the Race as a Graduate today. Luann
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Going on a God Hunt!
When I was younger, I loved to sing. I can remember at the age of 4 standing at the front door window looking at myself singing my heart out to the whole neighborhood. Music has a way of making my soul happy.
The song "This is the Day" tells us this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. The song indicates I have a choice to be happy and look for the little things that God is doing. Hence the title "God Hunt!"
Today is the only day we have if you think about it because tomorrow is promised to no one. This is true whether you have cancer or not. So I am reminded to do something with it today!
You see I have been quite fatigued and find myself having difficulty focusing which I guess is why I have been an absent blog writer for the last few weeks.
God Hunt #1
I can write! So for this 5:00 AM moment I feel like I have a brain so I will write. I am amazed by the mercies I have been afforded over the past weeks!
God Hunt #2
Radiation...I had a total of 20 to begin with. Then I learned that I only had 16. This week I will end radiation on Friday and do the happy dance! The reason for the 16 was to finish the initial treatment. The doctor was not sure I would make it through the 16 without being burned so did not schedule it. Upon examination she was amazed at the fact there was only a slight hint of pink on my breast. I think that has to do with A..prayer of protection, B..Radiation oil from the acupuncture doc for burning and C...Aloe Vera every day from the plant!
God Hunt #2
Relay for Life was amazing! Our plant raised over $2400 which was quite a bit over the original goal of $500! My soul was renewed as I decided to do the survivor walk with a precious lady in our plant who has Lung Cancer. As we walked around the circle of Mars Hill College the reminders of those who have gone on before us indicated by all of the white bags with candles in them was a reminder that life is precious and cancer is an ugly disease that needs to go away!
The End of The Race.. Marshall "Bags" Cancer!
God Hunt #4 - My daughter and her family came up to visit this weekend. The reality of cancer for me has been a year of not really seeing them mostly due to the treatment = low white counts, low red counts, and no energy.
Here is Taylor, Hope and Kennedy. We had a great time this weekend going to Fun Depot but before we played we needed to get the garden in the ground.
As I write this I am thankful for all the blessings I've been afforded! Wishing you a great week! Try going on a God Hunt this week and look for the unexpected things! Little things that show us God is alive and still interested in us!
Running the Race thankful that I have today! Luann
The song "This is the Day" tells us this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. The song indicates I have a choice to be happy and look for the little things that God is doing. Hence the title "God Hunt!"
Today is the only day we have if you think about it because tomorrow is promised to no one. This is true whether you have cancer or not. So I am reminded to do something with it today!
You see I have been quite fatigued and find myself having difficulty focusing which I guess is why I have been an absent blog writer for the last few weeks.
God Hunt #1
I can write! So for this 5:00 AM moment I feel like I have a brain so I will write. I am amazed by the mercies I have been afforded over the past weeks!
God Hunt #2
Radiation...I had a total of 20 to begin with. Then I learned that I only had 16. This week I will end radiation on Friday and do the happy dance! The reason for the 16 was to finish the initial treatment. The doctor was not sure I would make it through the 16 without being burned so did not schedule it. Upon examination she was amazed at the fact there was only a slight hint of pink on my breast. I think that has to do with A..prayer of protection, B..Radiation oil from the acupuncture doc for burning and C...Aloe Vera every day from the plant!
God Hunt #2
Relay for Life was amazing! Our plant raised over $2400 which was quite a bit over the original goal of $500! My soul was renewed as I decided to do the survivor walk with a precious lady in our plant who has Lung Cancer. As we walked around the circle of Mars Hill College the reminders of those who have gone on before us indicated by all of the white bags with candles in them was a reminder that life is precious and cancer is an ugly disease that needs to go away!
The End of The Race.. Marshall "Bags" Cancer!
God Hunt #4 - My daughter and her family came up to visit this weekend. The reality of cancer for me has been a year of not really seeing them mostly due to the treatment = low white counts, low red counts, and no energy.
Here is Taylor, Hope and Kennedy. We had a great time this weekend going to Fun Depot but before we played we needed to get the garden in the ground.
As I write this I am thankful for all the blessings I've been afforded! Wishing you a great week! Try going on a God Hunt this week and look for the unexpected things! Little things that show us God is alive and still interested in us!
Running the Race thankful that I have today! Luann
Thursday, May 20, 2010
An Unexpected Surprise
Yesterday, I went in for Radiation treatment number 9 out of what I thought was 20. Entering the treatment room which has become second nature I was greeted by the technician. "Good morning how are you?" I asked "Good and you?" the technician replied. "Well I am doing well! So we are on number 9 out of 20 treatments?" He said "Well no that is not what I have ordered for you. You are only scheduled to have 16 treatments." I perked up even more "Hum, the doc originally told me I needed 15 accelerated treatments and 5 treatments of a boost." "Well you will have to talk with the Doctor about that."
As I laid on the cold table and prayed the prayer I pray every morning "Lord protect what needs to be protected and destroy what needs to be destroyed" I heard the now familiar sound of the click of the big white machine comes on and shoots out an invisible radiation beam to the Breast that once held the cancer tumor. At times feeling the heat I humbly ask for protection. Then thinking back on what the technician said and thought well I wasn't expecting to hear that today. That's an unexpected surprise!
I see the Doc this morning and will ask if this is true. Even if it does turn out that he was wrong I fully believe my main prayer on this journey is answered.
Another prayer I have been praying is that I do not get radiation burn which is common with the type of radiation I am having. Well at the start of the radiation,a dear co-worker gave me a huge Aloe Vera plant that has supplied me with all of the Aloe Vera I could need for a year of radiation for protection against a burn. And so far the area being radiated is only a light, light pink. Another unexpected surprise.
Yesterday one of our employees gave me a hand made mountain scarf from a little retired lady who makes these for people who have lost their hair (which I have and is now trying to grow back, which is an interesting topic for another time :). Another unexpected surprise.
Sometimes on this journey I get so tired. There are certainly peaks and valleys that I would have never thought possible in one life. Every once in awhile an unexpected surprise comes along which gives me a boost to keep running the race.
When I think about my God who gave us the greatest unexpected surprise of all, a love that never fails that just blows my socks away!
What unexpected surprises have you had recently?
Running the Race with gratitude in my heart today! Luann
As I laid on the cold table and prayed the prayer I pray every morning "Lord protect what needs to be protected and destroy what needs to be destroyed" I heard the now familiar sound of the click of the big white machine comes on and shoots out an invisible radiation beam to the Breast that once held the cancer tumor. At times feeling the heat I humbly ask for protection. Then thinking back on what the technician said and thought well I wasn't expecting to hear that today. That's an unexpected surprise!
I see the Doc this morning and will ask if this is true. Even if it does turn out that he was wrong I fully believe my main prayer on this journey is answered.
Another prayer I have been praying is that I do not get radiation burn which is common with the type of radiation I am having. Well at the start of the radiation,a dear co-worker gave me a huge Aloe Vera plant that has supplied me with all of the Aloe Vera I could need for a year of radiation for protection against a burn. And so far the area being radiated is only a light, light pink. Another unexpected surprise.
Yesterday one of our employees gave me a hand made mountain scarf from a little retired lady who makes these for people who have lost their hair (which I have and is now trying to grow back, which is an interesting topic for another time :). Another unexpected surprise.
Sometimes on this journey I get so tired. There are certainly peaks and valleys that I would have never thought possible in one life. Every once in awhile an unexpected surprise comes along which gives me a boost to keep running the race.
When I think about my God who gave us the greatest unexpected surprise of all, a love that never fails that just blows my socks away!
What unexpected surprises have you had recently?
Running the Race with gratitude in my heart today! Luann
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