I can't believe it has been since last Saturday that I have updated my blog. So much has happened both physically and spiritually with in the depths of my soul that I almost don't have the words to try and express what has happened.
As you recall last Thursday I went in for Chemo and 5 very competent nurses tried to thread my IV with no luck. My arm was bruised beyond my wildest imagination. I was sent home with the plan to try again on Monday. I was at peace with the decision and viewed it as God was saying no to Chemo on Thursday for what ever the reason.
I must stop here for a moment. There has been question on why I did not do a port. Really it was for three reasons.
1. It is an elective procedure not mandatory for chemo
2. I in my whole heart believe of invasion to the body at the minimal level we need to invade. Those of you who know me know I am into vitamins and doing everything I can to avoid at all cost medicine. This is also why I chose a lumpectomy and not a mastectomy.
3. If I did a port than the Doctors would be in control of my destiny by just being able to dump what they want to dump down me and my God would play no role in what did and did not go into this body that He made. Thursday's scripture before I tried the chemo was very clear to me that he was my Rock and defender. I was standing on His word.
I can actually see the hand of God in protecting me because of this decision.
Monday comes and the good marching soldier that I am said well lets give this the good ole college try one more time! Not to even imagine what we were about to encounter.
Gary and I were escorted into a private room. We had never had this happen before.I got the feeling that the medical staff did not want other chemo patients to see what was about to occur. We began with my nurse who tried to introduce the needle into a resistant vain on my left side twice with no success.
She then immediately said as if preplanned "My Doctor and nurse would make the decision if we would be able to use my arm on the right side which is where I had my lumpectomy. Horrified by this I recalled the instruction from my surgeon and responded "Dr.... my surgeon said never never put the needle in that arm as that can cause lymphodemia. Not 5 minutes later my nurse came back and said my oncologist said we could try one stick in my right arm and she proceeded to insert the IV with no questions asked. This was going to be the way it was even though I knew it was not the right thing to do.
Tears just burst from me through out the next 5 hours as I was overwhelmed with grief that now I may even have to deal with lymphodemia because of this. I had said no but it didn't matter. Then thoughts of Thursday flashed back. God stopped that chemo for a reason. I watched with horror the drips from the three bags hanging by the side of my chair. The best is saved for last... Herceptin was the worse because it takes 1 hr and I think 30 minutes to drip.
Finally this part of the chemo was done. Totally exhausted and nauseated from the entire experience the day was not over. About 3 hours after I got home I began itching...then breaking out into hives. I was having an allergic reaction to the taxatere. I have never had that kind of reaction before. Nauseated I threw up which has only happened one time before. Totally beaten down God had my attention that this was enough of this part of the journey.
I am beginning to regain my strength and was able to work some yesterday and today. I will go back to the oncologist to get the next part of what I need to do which is radiation...and try to figure out what drugs and how we will complete the herceptin which is suppose to go for a year. As my sister Michele put it..I am not just running the race but also staying the course.
So where is God in all this? Well He is right beside me...He has never left me nor will He forsaken me. God is good all the time God is good and I praise him for his wonders and glory and for even this experience. No matter what kind of cancer you are dealing with it is your journey. No two journeys are alike! Isn't that kind of like life is? What matters most is that as you walk through what ever you are going though don't be afraid to let God carry you when you just don't have the strength to keep going.
Without all the family and friends I have had cover me in prayer...I would not have made it this far. I thank you all for your support and encouragement...please continue as this race is not over yet! Great big hugs to you all! Running the Race Luann
1 comment:
I was moved to tears reading this post.I felt as if I was right there with you,experiencing what you are going through. I remember it all so well from my chemo days. Even yesterday, five years later after my chemo, I had to go get some bloodwork done at the hospital and the nurses tut-tutted about my tiny veins and it took 4 attempts to insert the needle. I felt I was right back getting the chemo and I cried tears of frustration and pain.
What I admire so much about you is your strong faith - it is a blessing and you bless others too with the strength of it.
All my thoughts and love go with you today - you inpsire me!
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