It has been awhile since I last posted. I hate to admit it but I have been really fatigued and overwhelmed with the idea of radiation! Since Chemo has been over for a whopping 5 weeks, my expectations were not to disappoint those whom I work with, in my family, friends and myself. I wanted to bounce back giving everything I did before my body was injected with the poison aimed at killing any trace of cancer that could possibly left in my body.
I reasoned by now I should be "normal again." After all, I would be a slacker if I could not be as functional as I was before I began Chemo. I should be able to carry on working 45 to 50 hours in a week, keep the house clean, prepare healthy meals, exercise, have quiet time, a life outside of work and most important be the wife, mom and Mimi I am. Right? Well the truth is I am not there yet. I have found it hard to focus and have the energy to do more than one thing at a time. Moving towards optimise health but not there yet.
So as my world turns, I will count my blessings one by one and let you know my mammogram was clean which was an answer to prayer. Radiation will be accelerated. This means instead of the standard 6 weeks 5 days a week regimen, I will begin taking radiation probably beginning this week for the next 4 weeks or 20 sessions. I am extremely grateful for this also. This week I got three tattoo's - x marks the spot on where the radiation will be administered. I only had a little melt down. I was reminded by a friend of mine that tatoos were a sign of courage and honor! For that reminder I am greatful!
I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord maker of heaven and earth. Psalms 121:1-2
Here is a piece of heaven right outside my front door!
Running the race a little slower today! Luann
5 comments:
Luann,
I certainly hope this post finds you with your feet up, enjoying the beautiful view!
You silly girl. Your body just went through the hardest battle of it's life and you expect to go full force into the "real life" battle???? Please, please, please...extend yourself some grace. I am 10 months out of chemo and just starting to be able to run the race. My oncologist said to plan 2 months for every month of chemo through the recovery process. I, too, still find it hard to concentrate on more than one task, but I can tell every day is an improvement!
You will do great with radiation and the 4 weeks will go real fast.
Please write GRACE on a 3x5 card and carry it in your pocket...any time you start thinking the "I should's" pull out the card and remind yourself what your body has been through these past few months.
love ya!
kim
ps. I believe I have a pink hat that matches yours (and when I was younger and watched soaps...As the World Turns was my fav)
Luann,
You have a beautiful view and such a encouraging voice! Thank you for letting us share your journey. I will be praying for you!
Jen
All I got to say sweetie, is listen to Kim - she knows what she is talking about. Thinking of you and sending you strength and courage and healing...much love to you xxxx
Thanks Kim for your practical advice! It is funny but our pastor has been preaching on Grace so I will keep that in mind! Thanks Jenny and Marie for your encouraging words!
Debbie has left a great comment for you regarding this, but it's on my blog :-) Check it out..
http://beyondbreastcancer.wordpress.com/2010/05/02/when-affirmations-dont-work/#comment-3980
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