I don't think this is unique to this cancer thing that is occurring for me right now as I can recall before I had cancer there were just some days just require a start over by 9 AM in the morning! And the harder you try to turn it around the worse it gets. Well that was my yesterday. The good news is there is a scripture "His mercies are new every morning" so I am going to claim that for today and already know the day is better!
So you might ask what could have gone so wrong? Well in retrospect as I am writing this I am laughing inside because the truth is I am not sure. It started out with my acupuncturist. I have been using acupuncture to combat some of the side effects of chemo...nausia..fatique..not being able to sleep mostly. And she knows I need her right after chemo. Since I have round 5 out of round 6 on Thursday she becomes more important to me. Well I have been trying to resolve getting reimbursed for her services which are not cheap for 2 mos. Yesterday just happened to be the day when enough was enough. As we all know if you don't give insurance companies what they want...you don't get what you want. My acupuncturist and I had batted emails back and forth, until the straw that broke the camels back was when she called the insurance company a lyer and basically would not help me get them what they needed. In retrospect it also bothered me that she would never share with me what was in the herbs she gave me because they "did not translate well from Chinese to English and would take her too long, show up late for my appointments..But I needed her and just knew I would not make it if I left her! Well I was reminded that "My God supplies all of my needs" so I mustered up courage to say "No more." And fired her...I am now free. Now what???
Then the tears for the day started. Notice how I say started. Well that was only the beginning. I am enjoying blogging, as I think it is really a great place to organize thoughts and get feedback from real people. Well I went to my blogg and no comments!Mind you I have been doing this all of one month. So my head immediately went to MSU (Making Stuff UP) and said "No one likes you or even cares about Luann" Poor me! Then the real pity party started. More tears.
Work was next. My assistant and I have a great relationship and he starts talking about the WEATHER! This dog gone Asheville weather...Snow with mixed rain is in the forcast MSU again! = I will be grounded to the house the whole weekend and Gary my husband will not be able to come up from Charlotte because he will not be able to get up these "Beautiful Mountains...Ha! In the summer they are beautiful".
Dumes day - this extroversion that I have will crumple up and die with no one to talk to!!!! for a whole weekend! More tears...what because of the weather report??? Yes because of the weather report. The day continues I have my performance review from my boss...Of course I think I am better than what I am reading..MSU...they don't like me...I just know they are planning to get rid of me! Because of a review that is not a perfect 4? Give me a break! Yes I admit that is where I went!
To top the "perfect" day off I talk with my husband at the end of the day on the phone and he withdrew out of the checking account $20 more than he usually does for the week..What??? What are you thinking!!!! ...This is our conversation at night..Between my rehashing all of the day with tears in between...So I have one more question as the interrigation begins...why did you take an extra $20??????!!!!! out of the bank? As if to say he was breaking the bank and we would surely die! He not knowing what to say so as not to add fule to the fire calmly replied...Because I needed the cash for gas in case I was going to come up to Asheville tomorrow. "Oh" Sorry.
Around 7:45 PM I made the first constructive decision of the day to get off this utterly crazy day and put on my 2 mile walk CD which I whole heartly did and felt much better... and then went to bed. Good night!
Good Morning! It is amazing what a good night sleep will do. I did find a new acupuncturist..the weather is still there but today is a new day.
"Resign all into my hands. your loved ones as well as your own self. Be obedient to the still small voice. Your own imaginings may speak more loudly but wait up me always. You will see the wisdom in this in due time. Fret not about carnal thing, but concern yourself first and always with spiritual values. Truly My promise is still: "Seek first the Kingdom of God and all the other needful things will be added to you." Come Away My beloved.
I love life. Thank goodness this is a new day and His mercies are new every morning.
May you have a blessed day. Grateful to be alive. Blessings to you today and it is Friday! Running the race always. Luann
5 comments:
Wow mom.....sounds like yesterday was quite a day! :) Glad today's a new day and yes I love that every day His mercy is all brand new and fresh!
ps- the one thing I would suggest is making your comments easier to leave...There's a way that you can change your settings so that people don't have to sign in every time...sometimes that makes people not say anything because it takes to long to sign in...just a thought.
How do you do it? Email as I am so new to this bloggin thing. Looks like Kennedy and I had some things that "Weren't fair"
That was one heck of a day! I have had those kind of days. I just go to bed as early as I can to get it over with.
There is nothing like a good walk. Where did you walk at that time of the night? Wasn't it cold?
Keep on bloging, I enjoy reading of your experiences. I think this chemo is a tough thing to go through. I admire your courage and example. I would like to quote part of my tribute speach that I shared with my class about you:
"My sister is generous to a falt and quick to smile, and loves to laugh. Our world is better because she is in it. Her faith in God is immeasurable and she has no doubt that she will overcome her cancer; nothing has ever kept her down. Thats Luann, Unique."
Happy Day
Karen
And I have a Great Sister! Thank you Karen for your kind words! You are a very special lady you know! PS As for the walking the CD allows me to walk it in the living room so I don't have to worry about cold, rain snow and all the other things that come with winter.
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